One more NaNo under the bridge

This year's National Novel Writing Month effort seemed much harder than in past years. For most of the month, I was far more behind on word count that I've ever been before. It was only through a heroic effort in the last week that I got to the finish -- I hit the magic 50K mark on the 28th, took a rest on the 29th, and then cranked out another 2278 words on the 30th.

Here, on record for posterity, are the last 1000 or so words I officially registered this year.

Hannah arrived at the park about ten minutes early. The park had only a few cars in the parking lot, and only a few visitors strolling on the beach, basking on beach towels, surfing, or otherwise enjoying the out of doors, in spite of it being a beautiful (at least compared to the past few days) sunny day in late spring. She parked at the end of the parking lot closest to the fire pit, shut down the car engine, and waited. She hoped Walton would be in his personal car, and not one of the white SUVs the newspaper owned – even though they were unmarked, everyone on the police department knew what the Capitan’s reporters drove. Not that there would likely be any police officers around specifically looking for someone having a clandestine meeting with a reporter. But Hannah wanted to keep things as secret as possible.

A car pulled up next to Hannah’s, an older sports car, with slightly fading purple paint, and Hannah recognized the driver as the reporter she had followed out of the newsroom on the way to the incident at Callahan’s. He got out of his car, and she got out of hers. She noticed that the badging on his car had been slightly altered – it was no longer labeled “Probe” but rather “Prose.” Hannah pointed to the car. “‘Purple Prose,’” she commented. “Seems a more appropriate car for a sports reporter than a news jockey.”

“I used to be a sports reporter,” Walton said, “back in my home town where the newspaper came out twice a week. I got put on the city desk when I moved up to the big city with the daily newspaper. Not as much fun, but hey, it pays the bills.”

“So did your editor clear me as a confidential source?” Hannah asked.

“Yes, she did,” Walton said. “She also tentatively gave me permission to use that other person – the one you were talking to while you were on the phone with me – if he has a good reason to keep secret that he talked with me.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Hannah said. “I know everything he does, maybe even a bit more.”

“Let’s take a walk along the beach path,” Walton said. “We shouldn’t let this good weather go to waste.”

“Amen to that,” Hannah said. The two set out strolling along the concrete pathway, almost undisturbed. Again, Hannah was surprised at how few bicyclists and skateboarders had to be dodged. It was as if, even in daylight, this stretch of beach was haunted and nobody wanted to go there.

“So you have information about another crime that was committed last night?” Walton asked, pulling a small voice recorder out of an inner pocket of his windbreaker.

“Well, it’s not exactly a crime,” Hannah said, “at least not yet. It’s not even anything officially reportable yet. A man’s gone missing, and the man who has been his father figure thinks foul play is involved. Based on what I know, I have to agree with him. And the time frame puts the disappearance in the same window as the other incidents that are being pinned on Harry O’Malley.”

“Interesting,” Walton said. “Tell me more.” He leaned in closer with the voice recorder, shielding it from the view of anybody who might look closely at him and Hannah. Anybody who didn’t look closely would simply assume they were two people who were very fond of each other, taking a sunny Saturday walk together, Hannah reflected. At least Walton was fairly tall, so Hannah was only slightly taller than he was – there wouldn’t be people taking note of any great disparity to remember them by later.

Hannah went on to tell Walton about Igor Krumski and his disappearance from the lab the night before, and of Professor Egglehoffer’s insistence that foul play had been involved. She described how Igor had pulled the prank of getting her and Harry thoroughly lost in the hallways of the photography building on Thursday, and the incident she had witnessed between Igor and Katrina M’Bomo Friday afternoon. She also mentioned the pages torn out of her notebook and the key that had been moved on her key ring.

“You know, some of that evidence really does point to Harry O’Malley,” Walton said.

“But there’s other evidence that points away from him,” Hannah said. “His assistant, the guy who took him home from Callahan’s, left him passed out in the bed at home. When I got home, he was still in that bed, still passed out. It stretches credibility that he would come to, drive to the university, do something to Igor, drive to the bridal shop, set fire to the place, crash the truck into the fire hydrant, flee the scene – so nimbly that he could get away from the witness who tried to chase him – get home, and once again be passed out in the bed when I got there.”

“How do you know he wasn’t faking being passed out?” Walton asked.

“He was practically drowning in his own vomit,” Hannah said. “He partially regained consciousness while I was cleaning him up – he was literally stinking drunk – and began to sing Irish ballads off-key. That’s standard with Harry when he gets seriously drunk.” She decided Walton didn’t need to know about the other activity that accompanied the off-key singing.

They arrived at a park bench alongside the path, facing the ocean. Walton gestured to Hannah to sit down, and they sat side by side, watching the surf that was nearly devoid of surfers.

“So does he get drunk often?” Walton asked.

“Almost never,” Hannah said. “Yesterday … well, let’s say that he had a serious shock to trigger the binge – something that doesn’t really need to get published in the paper.”

“I heard what he was shouting at you at Callahan’s,” Walton said. “I take it at least some of that was true.”

“It was,” Hannah said. “But we really don’t need to go into details. Harry and I are trying to work it out.”

“Now that he needs you to help defend him on criminal charges,” Walton said. “Are you really that sure that he’s innocent, and that you’re willing to go back to him?”

“I know that he’s innocent,” Hannah said. “And I know that I love him. And I know that he loves me. And now, I think I’ve told you enough. What can you give me about the witness to the truck crash – the one who tried to chase the driver but couldn’t catch him or her?”

“I have a name,” Walton said. “I have an address and phone number. And I have an interview that I did with him earlier today.”

“Great!” Hannah said. “What did the witness say?”

“It’s all on here,” Walton said, tapping the voice recorder. “And I have a transcript in my car for you. But there’s one hitch.”

“What’s that?” Hannah asked.

Writing project: approaching a milestone

So, what should the prize be this time?

This blog is about to reach a historic milestone. As I start to type this post, Sitemeter has registered 99,677 visitors. That means, in just a few days, I will be seeing the 100,000th visitor to this blog.

To mark the event, I want to provide a really cool prize to Visitor #100K. In the past, I've offered such things as dinner at my favorite brewpub or a sailing trip on Black Magic, but, alas, nobody has yet made it to New Mexico to claim such a prize.

So, I'm open to suggestions. To sweeten the deal, not only will I grant the prize to Visitor #100K, but also to whoever comes up with the winning suggestion. So, let the writing project begin. You have from now until whenever lucky Number 100,000 shows up.

Last call for foodie posts

There's only one day left ...

So far, I've had a grand total of ... uh ... zero entries in the current writing challenge. With only 24 hours to go, that's not exactly a great turnout.

To recap, the challenge was to write a blog post in response to an essay prompt that I used in my essay writing class this term. The students had chosen an unusual topic, cuisine, instead of the oft-used contemporary social or political issues. So I thought I'd open it out to my readers and see what you could come up with. Unless you're actually enrolled in a college-prep essay writing course, you don't need to constrain yourself to what you might consider to be an essay (although I actually have a pretty broad definition); instead, write in response to the prompt in whatever way you feel moved.

So, write a blog post and put a link to it in the comments here, or if you don't have a blog, send your entry in email to byrnes.carol.anne (at) gmail.com and I'll post it here. Deadline is midnight (in whatever time zone you're in) March 31.

Essay 4 (in-class)

Choose one of the following topics and write an essay that meets the English 0950 course objectives (clear main idea, good support, consideration for an educated reader, organization, reasonably correct mechanics):

· What is your favorite cuisine? Give details to explain why.

· Define “American cuisine.” What sets American cuisine apart from others?

· How does the enjoyment of food bring people together? Give examples from your own experience and/or from materials you have read.

· Red or green? Explain.

· Write a review of your favorite restaurant. Use details and examples to show the reader why he or she should eat there.

· In what way does the cuisine of a country or region reflect its culture? Show the connection using specific details.

Chile vs. chili revisited

Coming back to a hot topic

A couple of years ago, I posted a lengthy explanation of the semantic distinctions of two words, Chile vs. chili. In particular, I focused on the New Mexico definitions (drawn from the Albuquerque Journal style guide), which differ from the definitions in the rest of the world. In most places, the word chili is used interchangeably, but in New Mexico, chile with an e at the end refers to the fruit of the capsicum plant, while chili refers to a stew made using chiles. I also posted a recipe.

Of course, there are discussions also about the composition of chili (the stew). Some people disagree about whether the meat in it should be beef or pork, or whether either is acceptable (I prefer coarse-ground pork, but I’ll use beef if that’s what’s available). And then beans are a huge area of contention. Some people say that chili should not have any beans, while others say chili must have beans, and among the bean proponents, there is disagreement about what sorts of beans are acceptable – pinto beans only, or other sorts, such as kidney beans, black beans, or navy beans. (I like kidney beans myself.)

And then there’s that other form of chili found in Cincinnati, which doesn’t have so much chile in it (but does apparently include cinnamon and – surprise – chocolate?) and which is served over pasta and topped with grated cheese and chopped onions. I remember watching a Monday Night Football game during which John Madden gave Cincinnati chili a resounding endorsement. I’m going to have to try it someday.

One update on the recipe in the link above: Since I wrote that post, the Chimayo chile production plant has been bought by Bueno Foods, and the former Chimayo brand is now available as the Bueno Select product line.

Writing challenge: your stop on the waterbloggers’ food tour

Beer can chicken is just the beginning

People have reacted positively to my previous post on beer-can chicken, and there have been a few food-related comments on other blogs that I frequent, leading me to believe there is an interest in this project.

It would be fantastic for all of us to get together in sort of a global progressive dinner, where we meet weekly or monthly, each time at a different waterblogger's home waters, and enjoy a meal together.

Alas, such a scenario is not merely figuratively but literally fantastic, defined as "characterized by fantasy." It's not likely to happen in reality, unless one of us suddenly becomes obscenely rich and finances everybody else on the journey. So we will have to do with the virtual world and share our imaginations. Thus I propose this writing project. Here is the scenario:

A horde of your fellow waterbloggers has come to your home waters to join you sailing, paddling, or doing whatever other sort of water recreation you do. It's the end of the day, and they are now all tired and hungry. What do you serve for dinner?

There are some requirements. For one, it needs to be easy – if all of your fellow waterbloggers are tired at the end of the day, so are you, so you don't want to spend great lots of effort slaving over the food. It should also be really yummy. And it has to be prepared on or near the water – on your boat, in your marina, or using whatever facilities are close to hand wherever it is that you are.

Give us a detailed description of that dinner, so even if we can't come to join you, we can imagine the experience. Include recipes if you wish, so we can prepare the food ourselves and pretend we are in your company as we enjoy it. If you have a blog, put your entry into a blog post and give a link in the comments here; if you don't have a blog, paste the whole entry as a comment. Deadline for this challenge is midnight Sunday, June 20.

Beer can chicken

An insanely easy recipe

One of the challenges in cooking a chicken in an outdoor grill (whether charcoal or gas) is getting the outside of the chicken nicely browned and crispy while keeping the meat tender and juicy. If you wrap the chicken in foil or a bag, the skin stays pale and soggy, but if you leave the chicken uncovered, the meat often dries out.

Beer can chicken solves the problem. First, you season the chicken, inside and out, with whatever herbs and spices you're in the mood for -- pick seasonings that complement the side dishes you plan to serve. Then, open a can of beer (you can drink some of it if you wish, but leave at least half in the can), and slide the body cavity of the chicken over the can. Place the assembly in a barbecue grill over medium-low heat, close the lid, and cook 1 1/2 to 2 hours, until the juices running down the outside of the beer can are clear. If you wish, during the last 15 to 30 minutes, brush the chicken with your favorite sauce -- barbecue, teriyaki, or whatever.

As the chicken cooks, the skin crisps up nicely, and the beer evaporates to permeate the meat, keeping it moist and tender, as well as imparting some flavor.

Gerald and I cooked this up at the marina at Heron this evening. Lots of people asked us where we got this recipe. Thing is, I couldn't say. I think I've known about it pretty much all of my life, possibly courtesy of my Arkansas relatives.

Nowadays, you can even get a metal frame that holds the beer can and keeps the chicken from tipping over (as pictured above, courtesy of Life on the Water Magazine). You can find one in many mail-order catalogs.

Yeah, once in a while, rednecks come up with a good idea.

NaNoWriMo: so far, so good

Caught up on word count – for now

As I warned before this month began, November is National Novel Writing Month, so much of my time is being eaten up in the effort to crank out the words. I started out the month behind on words (to keep pace, I need to produce 1667 words a day), but today I had a good session and caught up to where I should be, and then some, at 8525 words. As usual, my story is focusing on a character, Hannah Montgomery, who teaches at a community college, lives (or used to live) on a sailboat, is engaged to a police detective, Harry O’Malley, and frequently runs across dead bodies whose murders need to be solved. Just to give you a flavor of what I’m working on, here’s an excerpt from the book, the most recent passage I’ve written.

When Hannah got out of the meeting, Harry was still on duty at the station, and she didn’t really care to go home to an empty house, so she headed over to the marina, where she kept her boat, Nice Ketch. Now that she slept nearly all the time at Harry’s house, she seldom stayed on the boat that had once been her home, but she did like to keep an eye on the boat to make sure it didn’t deteriorate. And sometimes, she did need some alone time away from Harry, and Nice Ketch made a pleasant sanctuary.

She climbed up the dock steps and into the cockpit, remembering that not too long ago, she would have needed Harry’s help to do that and to get down the companionway of the boat. She unlocked the hatch, removed the hatch boards, and slid the top of the hatch open, then climbed down the companionway, a ladder leading into the spacious interior of the boat.

Everything was shipshape, as she had left it. Back when she lived on the boat, it would never have been so tidy; especially since she had nobody to please but herself, she wasn’t particularly fussy about housekeeping. But now that the boat wasn’t her primary residence, it could be kept neater, and Harry, amazingly enough, was pretty good at that kind of thing. Jackets and sweaters were now in a hanging locker, not tossed on the settee in the salon. The chart table was bare, no longer the site of Hannah’s laptop and random piles of paperwork. In the galley, everything was neatly stowed, the teakettle no longer parked on top of the stove, ready to be set to boil at a moment’s notice.

It was a chilly day, however, and Hannah decided she could use a nice cup of tea. She got the kettle out of the locker where it was stowed, filled it, and set it on the stove. Then she realized that, as she was no longer living on the boat, she had shut off the valve on the propane tank for safety. She climbed up into the cockpit, opened up the propane tank compartment, and opened the valve. Then she went back below, turned on the switch inside the boat to let the propane flow, let the gas get to the stove, and lit the burner under the kettle. Next, she got out a mug and a tea bag – Earl Grey, one of her favorites, and sat down on the settee.

The cabin was beginning to warm up, and Hannah stood up to take off the heavy cardigan she was wearing. She started to put it in the hanging locker, but then she changed her mind, tossing it on the settee, just like old times. That seemed more like it, she realized. The boat wasn’t merely neat; it was too neat, as if nobody belonged to it anymore. She pulled her laptop out of the large tote that she always carried it in, and she set it on the chart table and booted it up. Might as well check email here, she thought as she settled down in front of it. She found herself smiling, remembering the way she used to work here for hours at a time.

A shout came from above through the open companionway hatch, “Ahoy Nice Ketch!” Hannah recognized the voice of Flash Duran, and she smiled even more. She always looked forward to seeing him – although she had yet to keep her promise to let him take her sailing on his racing yacht. Somehow, that boat looked intimidating, and she hadn’t worked up the courage. “Permission to come aboard?” Flash asked.

“Granted,” Hannah said.

Flash came down the companionway, with a slightly crooked smile beneath his pencil-thin mustache, vivid blue eyes contrasting his unruly, curly dark hair. “I saw your companionway was open, and I figured you were home,” he said. Interesting, Hannah thought, that Flash still viewed Nice Ketch as her home. “Thought I might pay a visit.”

The teakettle began to whistle, and Hannah went over to it and poured boiling water over the tea bag in her mug. “I was just having some tea,” she said. “Would you like some?”

“No thanks,” Flash said. “You got any diet cola?”

“I have no idea,” Hannah said. It had been so long since she’d spent any quality time on the boat, she wasn’t sure of the inventory. She opened the lid of the refrigerator and discovered some shriveled cold cuts, some moldy cheese, a jar of mayonnaise that had seen better days, a couple of bottles of beer and – yes! – one can of diet cola. She handed that to Flash, picked up her tea, and went to the port settee, where the folding table was extended. Flash followed and sat down beside her.

Aaarrrrhhh, matey!

It's International Talk Like A Pirate Day …

Every blog should have its own favorite holiday, and my brother Jer's blog, Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas, has chosen International (formerly National) Talk Like A Pirate Day. The holiday first started when a couple of guys were playing around talking like pirates, and they hit on the idea of naming September 19 (the birthday of the now-ex-wife of one of them) Talk Like A Pirate Day.

It was while celebrating this holiday that Jer and my other brother, fuego, got the inspiration for the cult classic short film Pirates of the White Sand.

I'm almost late in acknowledging this holiday, but if I don't get this post up by midnight, well … it's still not yet midnight in Samoa.

So hoist a tankard of grog, watch out for the F-117s, and say aaarrrhhh!

Writing project final results (sort of)

Still awaiting a couple of late entries …

So here is the final tally of the Getting the spouse to come along writing project: We have a total of 208 activities in seven locations, listed in ten blog posts or comments, submitted by seven contributors.

Tillerman gives us 50 great things to do in and around Tiverton, Rhode Island. From Captain JP, we have 50 activities on the Ultimate London Walk by the Thames, and another nine activities involving Escaping London, in London. Greg and Kris describe eight Things to do near the Sailing Club on the Willamette.

O Docker provides Two things to Do In San Francisco To Keep Your Spouse Sailing

Another non-blogger just mentioned that there are a zillion non-sailing things to do in San Francisco. I'm writing about just two, so that should leave him plenty of choices.

I have to come up with non-sailing activities almost every time I sail. My wife sails to humor me, not because she's awestruck by the sheer wonderfulness of a rushing wake and perfectly trimmed jib.

Two weeks ago, we sailed over to one of San Francisco's swankiest marinas and parked the boat there for five days. We decided to do some touristy things that no hip San Francisco native would be caught dead doing. I can get away with this because I'm from a backward, cow-town in the central valley and don't know any better.

We now have some folding bikes that we can take on the boat, so one day we rode them over the Golden Gate Bridge to Sausalito.

It's actually very cool that one of the world's most spectacular bridges is open to foot and bicycle traffic. Besides seeing the bridge's famous art deco structure way better than you can driving across, you also get to stop and check out some of the most astounding marine views anywhere - the Marin headlands, Angel Island, Alcatraz, the Bay Bridge, and the classic city front. And it's all for free, if you ride your bike or hike across. We went for the full tourist drill and took the ferry back - about $8. Sausalito is a great lunch stop and it's rumored you can find some tee shirts there, too, if you're into that.

The next day, it was tourist time all over again. After 30 years in northern California, I prayed I wouldn't run into anyone I knew and finally took the boat tour over to Alcatraz (they won't let you dock a private boat there). It's much cooler than I ever thought it would be, and we were both glad we went. Alcatraz is now a national park, so the tour is actually very well done - not nearly as hokey as it would be if a commercial outfit ran things. There's a lot of history there beyond the obvious and you're surrounded by more spectacular bay views at every turn. If you must have a sailing connection, you can check out one of the oldest lighthouses in the bay - and it's still functioning.

But face it, haven't you always wanted to be in the actual dining hall where Clint Eastwood and Burt Lancaster pounded their tin cups on the tables?

Behave yourself, though. The tear gas canisters are still hanging from the ceiling.

I gave my own 25 Things to do in Sierra County, near Elephant Butte Lake, and Pat responded with 14 more ideas in the comments. For Heron Lake, I listed 25 Things to do in (or near) Northern Rio Arriba County; Pat added 12 new ideas and repeated one of mine (I'm not counting that one). Finally, Cousin Andrew lists 33 activities in Little Rock on his blog, Beer and Trucks.

Even though the deadline has officially passed, I'm still awaiting contributions to this project from jbushkey and EVK4. Other latecomers can still submit ideas as well. All contributors get a pint of their choice next time they come to New Mexico, plus if multiple contributors show up at once, there's a chance at a VIP screening of "Pirates of the White Sand."

Things to do in (or near) Northern Rio Arriba County

In New Mexico, we're not just about desert

Since I sail in two different primary venues, that means I have two different areas to promote. In the previous blog post, I covered 25 things to do in Sierra County, near Elephant Butte Lake, and now it's time to cover things to do in Northern Rio Arriba County, near Heron Lake. Since the lake is practically on the Colorado border, some of these adventures go beyond the county, but they're all close enough to the lake to take as a day trip.

1. Get a feel for the region with a visit to the Ghost Ranch Piedra Lumbre Education and Visitor Center, outside Abiquiu. While the center no longer has the live native animals that it had back when it was a living museum, it still has exhibits on the geology, ecology, history, and culture of the region.
   
2. Visit the Rio Arriba County Courthouse in Tierra Amarilla, where you can still see bullet marks in the walls from the raid led on the courthouse by civil-rights activist Reies López Tijerina in 1967.
   
3. Take a whitewater rafting tour down the Rio Chama Wild and Scenic River. Plan to get wet and also to see spectacular canyon scenery as the river plunges between colorful sandstone canyon walls.
   
4. Hit the Central United Methodist and Humane Society thrift shops in Pagosa Springs, Colorado. The Methodists are especially good for clothing, while the Humane Society is big on furniture, appliances, and housewares. Both carry a substantial selection of books.
   
5. Take a hot mineral bath in Pagosa Springs. As in Truth or Consequences, there are a variety of prices and styles of baths available.
   
6. Go lake fishing. Because of its high altitude, Heron Lake abounds in cold-water fish that don't usually live this far south, such as lake trout and kokanee salmon. Fish from the bank, bring your own boat (taking precautions against mussels, of course), or hire a guide. Clients of our favorite, Don Wolfley of Stone House Lodge, regularly show up in the "Catches of the Week" section of the Albuquerque Journal's fishing reports.
   
7. Take a ride on the Cumbres and Toltec Scenic Railroad. This narrow-gauge train takes all day to cover 63 miles of twisting track that crosses the New Mexico-Colorado state line 11 times along the way while carrying passengers through spectacular scenery that can't bee seen from the highway. The fall colors are especially awesome at the end of September and the beginning of October (exactly when the trees turn depends on the weather each year).
   
8. Go for a retreat at the Monastery of Christ in the Desert. This community of Benedictines believes in simplicity and quiet. Visitors don't have to be Catholic; they should, however, be interested in peace and solitude for meditative thought. If you don't want to drive 13 miles down a dirt road to get there, but you want to experience some of the calm, you can buy the monks' CD of Gregorian chants in many gift shops in the area. Their Monks' Ale (yes, they have a microbrewery) is also available at many supermarkets and liquor stores in New Mexico.
   
9. Visit Wolf Creek Pass, way up on the Great Divide. Just be sure, if you happen to have a truckload of Rhode Island Reds, that you haven't stacked them taller than the snow sheds on the other side, and check to see that your brakes work.
   
10. In late summer, attend Chama Days, the village's annual fiesta. It's a small-town fair with a Northern New Mexico flair; the parade includes units from a dozen different area volunteer fire departments, as well as some super-decked-out lowriders.
    
11. Speaking of lowriders, Española bills itself as the lowrider capital of the world. In July, as part of the Española Fiesta, you can attend a lowrider rally, with hundreds of stunning vehicles.
    
12. Go fly fishing in the Rio Chama, the Rio de los Brazos, or many other smaller local streams. It's more challenging than fishing in a lake, but for fly-fishermen, I've noticed it's the art of casting and outwitting the fish that keeps them happy.
    
13. Dine at the High Country Restaurant and Saloon. This is the finest eatery in Northern Rio Arriba County, where people go for special occasions. The food is great, and prices are reasonable. The bar stocks a good array of micro-brews on tap. Sunday brunch is an event, with a buffet, plus an egg station where the chef will construct a custom omelet or cook up your eggs exactly the way you want them – even over-easy.
    
14. During holiday season, take a drive through the village of Los Ojos, where on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, the streets are lined with luminarias, a Northern New Mexico holiday tradition. Originally, small bonfires were lit along the road to light the way for the Christ Child; the bonfires have been replaced by votive candles in paper bags. On a windy night, it's definitely a labor of love to keep those candles lit.
    
15. Shop at the Chama Valley Supermarket. In early 2008, the old market's roof caved in under a heavy snow load; the rebuilt market is bigger and better, but it still keeps the needs of a small, rural, mountain community in mind. It carries a little bit of everything, from staples for low-income locals to gourmet fare for tourists who arrive in quarter-million-dollar RVs; from gardening supplies to tractors; from gourmet cat food to cattle feed; from toasters to entertainment centers.
    
16. Take a hike. The Friends of Heron and El Vado State Parks have been working on a trail around Heron Lake, plus there are trails on Forest Service land all over the area.
    
17. Go birdwatching. In one of the great conservation success stories, the osprey has made a recovery to the extent that there are several nesting pairs who return to Heron Lake every summer to raise their young, plus a few other pairs elsewhere in the region. In early July, the state park sponsors an Osprey Fest to celebrate the birds. But osprey aren't the only birds in the region worth watching; visitors to the park have a chance of seeing everything from broad-tailed hummingbirds to bald eagles.
    
18. Eat at Cookin' Books. No, this isn't an accounting firm; it's an eatery that serves a variety of creative deli-type foods, and it's also a bookstore that carries a fairly specialized selection of works by local authors, literary fare, and books with a spiritual theme. If the soup of the day is Hungarian mushroom, you're in for a treat.
    
19. Volunteer at the Chama Valley Humane Society. As is typical of small-town humane organizations, these folks could always use more help. If you can walk a dog or socialize kittens (also known as playing with them), the Humane Society can use your help. If you don't have time to spare, they could also use donations of money.
    
20. Go camping or RVing. In Chama, you can find a full-service RV park that is the northernmost member of the Texas Association of Campground Owners (Texas counts New Mexico as "Region 8"), as well as several others. If you're on a lower budget and/or don't need so many amenities, both Heron Lake and El Vado Lake state parks offer camping sites with full hookups for $14 a night and primitive sites for $10 a night.
    
21. Attend community events at Shroyer Center. About once a month (more often during the summer), there will be a breakfast or a dinner or an ice cream social or a chili cook-off or … something. Shroyer Center is the community center for the Laguna Vista community, and most of the events are fund-raisers for the center itself or the Laguna Vista Volunteer Fire Department. These events have two foci – food and fellowship. While Laguna Vista is a gated community, it's pretty easy to get invited in as a guest, especially if you mention to one of the real-estate agents who live there that you might be interested in buying a vacation property. Of course, if you're a friend of mine and Pat's, there's no problem on that front.
    
22. Go hunting. Pat and I don't hunt, but we have friends who do, and they say that this end of Rio Arriba County has some awesome game to shoot at – we have colossal elk, lots of deer, turkeys, and a lot of other game. Hunting is not allowed in Laguna Vista (unless you're a mountain lion) or in the state parks, and on the Jicarilla Apache reservation it's allowed only if you hire a guide and pay big bucks (the advantage is that these guides are really good), but there are other lands, both public and private, where it's easier to get permission to hunt.
    
23. Go off-roading on the backside of El Vado Lake. According to Gerald, it's hard to get to, there's nobody there, and it's fun. Plus there are great views at less cost than $600,000.
    
24. Paddle a kayak around Heron Lake. If there's not enough wind to go sailing, a kayak is just about the best way to get around. Heron is a no-wake lake, meaning that motorboats aren't allowed to go any faster than trolling speed. The upshot is that it's very quiet – everybody there is sailing, fishing, or paddling.
    
25. Come to Five O'Clock Somewhere, where you can take a bath in the Jacuzzi tub (our well water is full of the same minerals that Pagosa Springs has), and finish the day with cocktails on the deck, which, like Tillerman's, is on the front of the house and faces the lake.
    

So there you have it: things to do near Five O'Clock Somewhere. You still have a few hours to make your own contribution to the project by writing about non-sailing activities near wherever it is that you sail … until midnight tonight (Samoa time).

Writing project update

There's still time to enter!

So far, the turnout for the Getting the spouse to come along writing project has been rather disappointing. We've had four responses from three people. On the flip side, we have 117 or so exciting things to do in those people's three locations.

First, Tillerman weighed in with 50 great things to do in and around Tiverton, Rhode Island. Apparently, he envisions his friend sticking around for a very long time and provided plenty of suggestions for the spouse to enjoy, finishing up with cocktails on Tillerman's own back deck.

Not to be outdone, Captain JP responded first with The Ultimate London Walk by the Thames, which included 50 stops along the way, for the tourist with lots of stamina and good walking shoes. He followed that up with an additional post, Escaping London, in London, with nine more activities, starting with hiring a bicycle to ride along the Thames Path.

Finally, Greg and Kris give us Things to do near the Sailing Club on the Willamette, with about eight more activities.

There's still time for more participants to submit entries; this project is open until July 31. Simply compose a blog post, or post a response in the comments here, telling about things besides sailing that can be done near your local sailing venue, so non-sailing travel companions can enjoy themselves, or for sailors to do when the weather isn't suitable for sailing. As with the previous project, all participants will get a complimentary pint of their choice the next time they find themselves in New Mexico, and if multiple participants show up at once, a VIP showing of Pirates of the White Sand is a distinct possibility.

So keep those entries coming!

Writing project: Getting the spouse to come along

Let's do the Chamber of Commerce thing

Here's the scenario: You have a buddy coming from a long way away to sail in your local sailing venue. But the weather's lousy, so you need to find something your pal can do (besides becoming a couch potato in your living room), some activity that's special or unique to your area, so that, even when the weather clears and you both get out sailing, he'll remember that other activity as well.

Or maybe your buddy has a spouse or significant other or family members who, alas, aren't into sailing. In order to get your friend to come sailing with you, you have to convince her travel companions that they won't be sitting around doing nothing while she has fun sailing.

So here's the challenge: Tell about activities that can be done close to your local sailing venue, besides sailing. This can be just about anything: shopping, sightseeing, dining, museums, outdoor activities, spa treatments, wacky local traditions, whatever. Concentrate on the offbeat; for example, if you're in the New York City area, everybody already knows about the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty – tell us about something that isn't on the radar of the average tourist.

As with the light bulb joke project, contributors will be awarded, upon their next visit to New Mexico, a pint of beer at either Socorro Springs Brewing Company or the High Country Saloon. A new bonus is that if three or more contributors show up at the same time to claim their beers, I may be able to arrange a VIP showing of the short film Pirates of the White Sand, which will soon be available in a final director's cut; one of Fuego's buddies manages an art cinema in Albuquerque and can arrange a showing at some time when there aren't paying customers (i.e., during the day on weekdays).

Also as with the light bulb joke project, I will be counting entries by the number of activities you recommend rather than the number of posts, so go ahead and recommend multiple activities. A bonus of this particular writing project is that you don't have to be a sailor to participate – if you live near someplace where people can go sailing (and that's just about everywhere), you can make recommendations for sailors and their travel companions.

The deadline for this project is July 31, so get those entries flowing, either by posting on your own blog and putting a link in the comments here, or by posting the entry in the comments.

Review: Pirates of the White Sand

The best 14 minutes you'll ever spend

Over at Proper Course, Tillerman has posted his next group writing project: write a review. He goes on to explain that this can be a review of anything at least somewhat related to sailing, such as equipment, books, even movies – although he notes, "your choice is somewhat limited there."

Limited, maybe, but there are some good sailing-related movies out there. One obscure gem is Pirates of the White Sand, which debuted at the 2005 Duke City Shootout film festival. Written by the Seeger Brothers, the script won the festival's Federico Fellini award, earning the brothers a chance to bring the film to the festival, in which directors are given one week to film and edit a 14-minute movie.

The crew experienced some serious technical problems, such as a failure of communication between the film-editing computer and the film-industry expert provided by the film festival to assist the production that resulted in all edited footage being lost just hours before screening time. But after a seriously intense all-night editing session, an extremely rough cut was available for the final public gala, at which, despite the technical issues, it won the Audience Choice award.

The film itself is a rollicking adventure involving a crew of unruly pirates, colonial Spanish gold treasure, and nuclear weapons. The pirates, led by Captain Moab (Miguel Martinez), descend upon the remote roadside café run by the ever-efficient Ruthie (Deborah Chavez), in their "ship," the Crusader, a 1964 Lincoln Continental. This is the same model used effectively in The Matrix as a trans-dimensional transport device; it serves a similar purpose in this film.

The pirates have been on a search for treasure, a vast trove of gold looted by the Spanish from the Aztec empire, hidden somewhere in what is now the White Sands Missile Range never to be found again. While the pirates are on the trail of the treasure, someone else is on the trail of the pirates, in helicopters and big black SUVs.

After many weeks "at sea," Moab's crew is eager to unwind at Ruthie's café, enjoying "grog" (beer served in a pitcher labeled GROG that Ruthie keeps on hand for the pirates) and, of course, green chile cheeseburgers. The action is frenetic, matched with a punk-rock adaptation of the sea chantey "Here's to the Grog" that underlies the action and also emphasizes the anachronisms that run throughout the film.

Martinez does excellent work as the pirate captain, bringing a wide range of emotions to the role, as the swaggering leader of a crew of brave men, and also the man who is thoroughly in love with Ruthie but knows he will never be able to have her, as his pirate life keeps him from being able to settle down. It is easy to see why he won the Best Actor award at the Shootout. As the film industry's presence in New Mexico increases, look to see Martinez in small but memorable parts in future blockbusters. His talent should take him far.

The directing is good; director P.L. Fuego keeps the pace brisk, although in one or two places the action seems to drag. In on scene, in particular, a sight gag involving a nuclear warhead doesn't quite work right. Mostly, however, the audience will be carried along nicely by the action.

The film is, unfortunately, not widely available. Fuego has been working on a director's cut that fixes the technical problems that marred the film-festival version and adds some material that had to be left out because of the Shootout's time restrictions. He might let you have a copy if you ask him nicely, or you might be able to find a friend of his who has a copy and copy that. Uh, yeah, pirated Pirates.

Disclaimer: I know these guys. Oh, all right … I'm related to them. Uh, yeah, they're my brothers. Still, it's a good film. If it sucked, I just wouldn't have written the review.

Light bulb project: results

And the winners are …

… everybody who contributed to the project.

We had a total of 40 jokes, in 19 comments or posts (counting both those left here and those left elsewhere), including my own two samples at the start of the project, and counting the lengthy dialogue inspired by one of the comments as one joke. Depending on how you count things, we may or may not be short of the record that Tillerman's lists project set. The comments/posts count falls short of the record of 30, but the total number of jokes far exceeds the record.

A total of 14 contributors have each earned a pint of their choice at either Socorro Springs Brewing Company or the High Country Saloon: Tillerman, Turinas, Andrew, O Docker, EscapeVelocity, M Squared, darusha, yarg, JP, tim Patterson, 3redbars, David Greenlee/Scuttlebutt, Gerald, and Pat. Thanks to all who participated.

Here are the contributions, in no particular order:

My examples:

How many Etchells sailors does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn't matter, because they're all busy bragging about their fraculators.

How many MacGregor sailors does it take to change a light bulb? Six: one to change the bulb and five to replace the wiring on the boat.

From Tillerman:

How many high school sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, one to be a witness, and one to file the protest.

How many Finn sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb and three to rotate the ladder.

How many Star sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

How many Force 5 sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
Irrelevant. There aren't any Force 5 sailors left. They all burned their boats and bought Lasers.

How many Sunfish sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The class rules don't allow the light bulb to be changed.

How many Moth sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
Meaningless question. The light bulb was eliminated to save weight.

How many Laser sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Laser sailors aren't afraid of the dark.

How many Practical Sailor Testers does it take to change a light bulb?
There's no way to find out without signing up to be a subscriber.

From tim Patterson:

How many Hobie Cat sailors does it to change a light bulb? Only two, one to hold the bulb and the other to steer the cat in circles.

From 3redbars:

How many Laser Master's sailors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one because they don't need any coaches or support boats to help them.

From JP:

How many luxury super yacht sailors does it take to change a light bulb? None! There are staff to do that for you.

How many America's Cup sailors does it take to change a light bulb? None! Everything is done by lawyers now.

From EscapeVelocity:

How many Catalina 22 sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't, they prefer the old ones.

How many J22 sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
275 kg.

How many J24 sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. Foredeck holds the bulb, pit turns the ladder, skipper yells at them for not doing it fast enough.

From M Squared:

How many Santana 20 sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to hold the lava lamp bottle and one to change the light bulb.

From Andrew:

How many Optimist sailors does it take to change a liight bulb?
One, and her Dad
[who will end up doing it for her while she runs round the boat park with her friends]

From yarg:

How many ISAF rule writing sailors does it take to change a light bulb? 1001. 1000 to exchange emails for three years, and one to print them, pile them, and stand on the pile to reach the light bulb.

How many Laser sailors does it take to change a light bulb? Laser sailors don't use light bulbs, they light the room with a computer monitor while reading Tillerman's blog.

How many Laser sailmaker sailors does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes two, but it takes 30 years to do it.

How many US Sailing sailors does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to write the book on light bulbs, one to teach the course, one to collect the money, one to issue the certificate for successful course completion, one to maintain the website for certified light bulb changers, and one to change the light bulb.

(Tillerman responded:

Hey yarg. That last one has only six. You missed out the "one to present US Sailing Life Time Achievement Awards For Excellence in Light Bulb Changing to the other six.")

From darusha:

How many cruising sailors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. Only one to change the bulb, but 5 others to talk about the time they changed a lightbulb at the top of the mast while in the middle of a gale on the way to the Tuamotos.

From Gerald:

How many college FJ sailors does it take to change a lightbulb?
To be honest, know one really knows. When it went out, someone just dragged the keg out into the beach and the party went on anyway.

From Pat:

How many Arizona State college sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There's not enough money in the ASU budget to buy new bulbs, so the team will have to keep patching the old ones or try to charter a bulb from another team.

How many high-performance dinghy sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
Forty-three. One to change to bulb and the other forty-two to turn the house upside down into its "normally capsized position" and turn it around.

How many certified club race officers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he or she will spend a lot of time trying to make the electric line perpendicular to the current.

How many International Judges or Umpires does it take to change a light bulb?
Two -- and the second one will penalize the first one for using any illegal kinetics in violation of Rule 42 whilst the bulb is being changed.
Note: The light bulb is not allowed to exit the receptacle with any more speed than when it went into the receptacle, else additional Penalty Turns will have to be assessed.

How many Race Chairmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Hard to say; it depends entirely upon the handicap system, the bulb's measurements, and whether the bulb will be used primarily in windward-leeward, off-wind, or random-leg courses.

How many sailing instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: One to suddenly throw the bulb overboard, one to keep the bulb in sight, one to execute a crew overboard Figure 8 or Quick Stop recovery approach, and one to recover and change the bulb.

How many regatta organizers does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-four. Five to find commercial sponsors for changing the light bulb, six to erect the tent for the light bulb changing ceremony, three to make welcoming speeches for the light bulb, two to write press releases, two more to pass out and collect tickets for the light bulb changing ceremony, one to make videos of the changing, one to take still pictures, one to write liability release forms for the bulb to sign, one to obtain Lighting insurance, one to police the light bulb parking area and one to change the bulb.

How many Women Match Racing Sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
You disgusting male chauvinist pig! Why don't you guys do just a little of the housework so we can concentrate on winning races?!

How many Commodores does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's the job of the Vice Commodore for Facilities or the House Captain.

How many oil tanker sailors does it take to change a light bulb?
None; the bulbs on tankers are very heavy and not light at all, so it takes a well-equipped shipyard to change them.

How many Parrot Heads does it take to change a light bulb?
None needed; they can find the blender, margarita glasses, and large shaker of salt in the dark.

How many Mommy Boat Coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven: One to sign the entry forms, one to scan the Lighting Instructions and Notice of Lighting for loopholes, one to rig the light bulb, one to tow the light bulb to the area to be lit, one to change the light bulb, one to sneak in some last-minute coaching, and one stationed up-current to relay information about current surges and voltage spikes.

How many Zen Laser Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb really has to want to change.

One joke inspired a chain of responses; I counted the original joke, but not the responses, in my tally of jokes. This is a dialogue between O Docker and Tillerman:

O Docker: How many America's Cup sailors does it take to change a light bulb?***

***The correct answer cannot be determined at this time pending a decision of the New York state appelate courts.

O Docker: This just in on the America's Cup light bulb controversy. The answer will now hinge on how the appellate court interprets crucial language involving exactly what constitutes a light bulb. Attorneys for the challenger are arguing that an electrical appliance designed to emit light is not actually a 'light bulb' unless it has been used at least once in the past as a source of light. Thus, a new bulb cannot actually be considered a 'light bulb'. The decision is not expected to be handed down until sometime in October. What's the deadline for this writing project?

Tillerman: Latest legal filing on the America's Cup light bulb controversy just in...

The phrase "light bulb" in the challenge from the Rio Grande Sailing Club is inherently confusing and open to several interpretations. "Lightbulb" is a noun, free of adjective, and is primarily a technical term to describe an electrical device used for providing illumination.

However the Secretary of RGSC chose to issue a challenge to be performed with a "light bulb". In this context it is clear that light is an adjective and bulb is a noun, and that the adjective modifies the noun.

A "bulb" is defined in botany as "a short, modified, underground stem surrounded by usually fleshy modified leaves that contain stored food for the shoot within."

And "light" is defined both as "pale, whitish, or not deep or dark in color" and also as "of little weight; not heavy".

By choosing such vague language, unfortunately RGSC has not made it clear whether the challenge is to be performed with onion bulbs (former definition) or snowdrop bulbs (latter definition), or whether indeed the challenger may choose to compete with an onion bulb against the defender's snowdrop bulb.

In a subsequent filing I will acquaint the court with similar difficulties and ambiguities in the meaning of the word "screw"...

O Docker: And now this on the America's Cup. In a surprise move, the sailors may not be installing a light bulb at all. They're now being asked to fire off a six-foot-long Roman candle, which most agree is far more spectacular to watch than any kind of light bulb. This has raised an uproar between those who would love to see Roman candles lighting up the night sky and traditionalists who claim generations of Cup sailors have changed light bulbs and the Cup just wouldn't be the Cup, and whatever.

The only problem is that now no one knows just where the Roman candles would be fired off and many are so disgruntled by all of this they're starting to use the word 'screw' in contexts not intended by the drafters of the original challenge.

When the Rio Grande Sailing Club holds a regatta, we usually have at least two fleets. We have the racing fleet, for boats whose designers had racing in mind: Etchells, J/24s, J/22s and the like. Then we have the cruising fleet for boats that were not designed with racing in mind, such as the Freedom 21, the Hunter 34, and the MacGregor 26. Depending upon turnout and availability of a support boat, we may also have a dinghy fleet, which consists primarily of MC Scows but also may include the occasional Capri 14 or the like. Here are the winning jokes for each fleet; each winner will get not just one but two pints upon arrival in New Mexico:

For the racing fleet, from David Greenlee/Scuttlebutt:

How many America's Cup owners does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

For the cruising fleet, JP:

How many iPhone owning sailors does it take to change a light bulb? None! You just download the torchlight app dude!!!

For the dinghy fleet, Andrew:

How many Laser sailors does it take to change a lightbulb?
If Part Three does not specifically allow a change or
addition - IT IS ILLEGAL!

Finally, the grand prize goes to Turinas, whose joke sums up wonderfully what this whole blogging thing is all about. He can choose to upgrade his pint to a pitcher, or he may take a dinner entrée plus a pint:

How many sailing bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
250
1 to change the light bulb and 249 to write supportive comments, share lightbulb changing experiences, recollections of the time Tillerman invented the first lightbulb holder made of duct tape, Joe to post a girl in a bikini holding a fish with a light bulb in its mouth (not that I'm complaining, Puffy to post why windsurfers are better lightbulb changers, Bonnie to write a great story of kayakers changing lightbulbs in Brooklyn, Christian to paint a lovely water color, Tugster to share photos of lightbulbs on tugs, etc

Again, thanks to all who participated. It's been fun.

Still seeking Visitor 50K

Prize package remains unclaimed

We’re still hoping the lucky 50,000^th visitor to Five O’Clock Somewhere will come forth.

This visitor didn’t reveal specific information about location, but we know he or she was in North America, in the Eastern time zone, using an ISP whose territory is in the southeastern United States. He or she visited in the early afternoon of April 16, on a Mac using Firefox.

Most important, this visitor didn’t arrive via a web search or a link on another website – this visitor has Five O’Clock Somewhere bookmarked, or possibly typed the link in directly, although that’s unlikely.

So there’s a valuable prize package remaining to be claimed. Sorry, I can’t provide airfare, but once you get to New Mexico, here’s what you get: Beer and dinner for one, or just beer for four, at the Socorro Springs Brewing Company, plus a sailing experience on the sexiest boat on Elephant Butte Lake.

If the winner doesn’t come forward within four weeks, I will hold an alternative selection process to determine who will receive the prize.