Five O'Clock Somewhere

Welcome to Five O'Clock Somewhere, where it doesn't matter what time zone you're in; it's five o'clock somewhere. We'll look at rural life, especially as it happens in Rio Arriba County, New Mexico, cats, sailing (particularly Etchells racing yachts), and bits of grammar and Victorian poetry.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Top Ten Lame or Not-So-Lame Excuses Not To Get to the Lake

In New Mexico, most of the people who sail have to travel a great distance to get to the lake. That distance imposes hardships. In response to Tillerman's challenge, to create a list related to sailing, here is a list of excuses that have been used by sailors in the desert to explain why they haven't come to the lake to sail on a particular weekend:

10. I went to a party in Juarez, and in the morning I was so hung-over I couldn't even think about going to the lake.

9. My car broke down, so I couldn't come to the lake.

8. I was getting my mortgage refinanced, and the appraiser was supposed to come. I waited all day, but the appraiser never did show up.

7. I had a sick cat that I had to take to the vet.

6. The weather forecast was for no wind, so I didn't want to drive for two hours and not end up going sailing.

5. The weather forecast was for way too much wind, so I didn't want to drive for two hours and not end up going sailing.

4. I went to visit my new girlfriend, and her violent boyfriend (she had lied and called him "ex") slashed my tires.

3. My boat suffered serious damage in a storm last spring; a bunch of other people said they'd lend me boats to sail while mine was getting repairs, but none of them came through.

2. I was getting inducted into the Ohio Track and Field Hall of Fame, and I didn't want to dishonor Jesse Owens by not showing up to be honored alongside him.

1. I didn't know you were counting on me.

OK, it's pretty clear, these are all Zorro's excuses. The thing is, even though some of them make him look bad, I can still forgive him for them. I do love him, and he would have to do something seriously egregious before I would stop loving him. I am, and will always be, his number-one fan.

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Blogger Pat said...

Did you maybe forget a few... some of these may be more real than others.

"I had a rollover accident the weekend before."

"The dead guy who registered my car for me forgot to re-register it."

"I was supposed to get four sails from a guy who was hauling a boat between Houston and San Diego, but he didn't keep his appointment."

"The girls in the massage parlor were completely out of chocolate and I had to rescue them."

"One of the guys who works for one of my friends in Juarez was knifed/shot and killed so we all had to go to the wake and funeral."

"Business in Juarez is bad because of the Swine Flu epidemic, so I went over there to cheer people up."

"A Nigerian tribal chief/college in Texas/company in Belize/dictator in south America/ university in Indonesia needs a proposal on a new running track."

"The suspension/rear end/ ____ went out and I can't drive the car out of town."

"My crew decided to party and get hung over instead of preparing for the regatta."

"There was a fire that damaged the building in back that I use as a sail loft and gym."

"A Border Patrol agent set traps for one of my cats and I had to go to the pound to rescue her."

"Torrential rains flooded my basement."

"I had to swap (engines/ injectors/ brakes/ fuel pumps/ ____ between the yellow/ blue/ gold Mercedes."

"The predicted weather was cold and overcast and maybe rainy."

"I was helping a friend hide from the drug cartel / Texas Rangers / ex-boyfriend."

"I was recruiting donors for the University."

"I got a tank of contaminated diesel."

"I ran out of bottom paint to re-do the keel and rudder."

"My ex-wife had an emergency when ______ ."

"I realized there wasn't a second paddle on my boat and so it wasn't class-legal to race."

Sun May 24, 03:57:00 AM MDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about " Soraya and me were stuck on the bridge"
" Blame it on Blondie"
Best line of the last 6 months...
" Zorro is in love, or thinks he is"

Mon May 25, 05:48:00 PM MDT  

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