Five O'Clock Somewhere

Welcome to Five O'Clock Somewhere, where it doesn't matter what time zone you're in; it's five o'clock somewhere. We'll look at rural life, especially as it happens in Rio Arriba County, New Mexico, cats, sailing (particularly Etchells racing yachts), and bits of grammar and Victorian poetry.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

A new anti-littering law

Working to keep Albuquerque from going “up in smoke”

Recently, the Albuquerque City Council has passed an ordinance doubling the fine for littering when the littering involves “smoking tobacco products.” The ordinance was spearheaded by a councilor whose district includes a lot of open space that has been ignited by the butts tossed by careless motorists.

I approve of the ordinance. As someone who most often drives a small car, I have often been the victim of a driver of a jumbo SUV or pickup truck who doesn’t look below to see if anyone is there before flicking, tossing, or spitting. That tobacco juice does nasty things to a car’s finish!

El Caballero has a slight problem with the windshield-washer system. The washer-fluid nozzles are mounted on the wiper arms in order to spray fluid on the windshield as the wipers sweep across. Right after we got the car, we noticed that the left wiper nozzle was working as it was supposed to, but the right nozzle was mis-aimed, spraying fluid not on the windshield but instead in an arc to the right of the car, much like an oscillating lawn sprinkler. It probably would only take a couple of minutes with a screwdriver to fix, but I just never got around to doing it.

One summer day, I was stopped at a traffic light next to a super-sized pickup truck, and the driver tossed a butt out the window without looking (or maybe just not having respect for someone driving a dinky little car), and it came to rest on my left windshield wiper, the smoke from the butt tracing a graceful arc as it was sucked into the car’s air-conditioning system. Without thinking, I hit the windshield washer, so the washer fluid could extinguish the butt as the wiper flicked it aside.

Then I realized … the right-side wiper had just delivered a face-full of washer fluid to the driver of the truck through his open window.

For some reason, I still haven’t gotten around to getting that nozzle fixed.


Anonymous AdriftAtSea said...

CARmic justice... That's funny.

Mon Oct 02, 07:48:00 AM MDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


We have one gas station in my home town that sells gas about 10 cents cheaper than any place around and when they dropped the price down below the $2 mark those BIG, SUPER DUTY, MEGA CAB, PICKUP TRUCKS came in from every corner of the city. They infested the gas station like big roaches headed to a dumpster. I haven’t seen gas lines like that since 1974 and about 99 percent of the vehicles in those lines were BIG MEGA PICKUP TRUCKS!!!

Thu Jan 25, 09:40:00 AM MST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Yep, that guy that pulled up next to you was basically driving a TOW TRUCK (minus the tow bar). If you don’t believe me, just look at the badge on the side of the front fender of the truck. If it’s a Ford it will say F-250, F-350 SuperDuty and if it’s a Dodge it will say 2500, 3500 Heavy Duty. Now if you spot a tow truck it will have the same name badge, that’s because they use the same body/chassis for TOW TRUCKS that they use for the FANCY, LUXURY, MEGA PICKUP TRUCKS.

Thu Jan 25, 11:13:00 AM MST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Now to top things off, these bozos who drive these GAS GUZZLING, MEGA PICKUP TRUCKS have heard from the grapevine there’s a magic bullet to improve the pathetic gas mileage on their fancy truck. The secret is to simply remove the tailgate and the reduced wind resistance will give you the gas mileage of a Toyota Corolla!!! In case you didn’t know, these MEGA PICKUP TRUCKS get about 12 miles to the gallon and if you remove the tailgate you can improve that figure to about 12.1 miles per gallon, but if you step hard on the peddle just once during the week, it will offset the gas you just saved. Think about that the next time you spot one of these “SMART GUYS” driving their GIANT PICKUP without a tailgate. They say driving a SUPER-SIZED PICKUP TRUCK is never a sign of intelligence.

Thu Jan 25, 11:14:00 AM MST  

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